depthsofhell

2009-05-23T03:38:00.003+08:00

Oh please don't let what little magic there is now wear out on me.

To keep smiling and laughing and constantly wanting to burst into a million colours as i prance up and down my living room like a mindless dancer.

The feeling of a weightless flight when you're so grounded at the same time.

What else can it be, if it's not magic? =)

2009-05-16T23:29:00.002+08:00

There's this...strange emptiness i feel whenever

i look at msn, or think of.. people in general.

It's like i have to keep watching movies to get rid of that.

I don't want to keep feeling like this.

It's like i have so many things i want to do, and say..

but i'm just not doing them. i'm like, scared, of god knows what.

I feel miserable.

but i'll just have to keep on smiling and laughing.

living on temporary high.

that's what i do best right.

btw, my cousin, jac and i went out the other day .

it was so awesome.

we spent like the whole day shopping and i don't have to give

a shit about what others think or what she thinks about me.

it's such a great feeling.

the things we talk about.

and the problems we share.

and we got a bracelet together, which is awesome.

gives me a sense of belonging.

which i need. reassurance and stuff.

like how she tells me she loves me all the time.

hahaha.

it's great having someone like that man.

Thanks jac! hahaha =)

i'm not that miserable after all.

2009-05-11T05:16:00.002+08:00

Haha. I reflected anndddd.

I made wonderful memories.

Those were good times. haha.

And it makes me smile. =)

HAhahah. Oh crap, my stomach's hurting again..

It's been hurting a lot lately.. =/

no i don't need to shit. -,-

HAhah

Ohwelllss.

Happyy memoriiess.

I love photographs.

2009-05-02T17:07:00.002+08:00

This is a reminder.

There are a few things on my mind right now.

so many ugly feelings.

makes me feel ugly.

like i can't face anyone kind of ugly.

cause i'm so embarressed of myself.

BUT.

PLEASE FOCUS ON WORK.

WORK FIRST.

SCREW the rest of the emotions.

work work work work.

Do your work.

2009-04-28T21:54:00.002+08:00

what do you do when there are things you just can't say.

and there are things you just can't do.

haha.

2009-04-06T03:14:00.002+08:00

i'm going to try a little harder.

for the ones at home.

because they make me feel like it's enough

to just be home.

like it matters a lot to them.

just my presence.

When everyone's together..

it feels great!

it's like i don't even have to try

and i'd feel so appreciated.

no matter what shit i'd do along the way.

and i can say the same for them.

awesome.

it took me 19 years to fully realize this.

HAHAh.

2009-03-11T16:32:00.003+08:00

Fucker.

fucker fucker fucker fucker fucker fucker fucker fucker.

fuck fuck fuck fuck.

FUCKER.

PFFFFTTTTTTT.

2009-02-23T04:41:00.002+08:00

Well... I tried to sleep early.

I slept at 12. and i woke up at 4.

And I'm supposed to be super tired.

I only slept for 3 hours yesterday.

This is getting ridiculous. hahaha.

I even bought a super annoying alarm clock.

and I tell everyone to wake me up.

And i probably won't even be able to recall

that they woke me up.

or i'd pick up calls or read messages

without even knowing i do that.

until later in the day when i check back,

it's become a habit by the way,

then i'll go ' oh ! '

or when people ask me why i don't reply.

haahahaha. i am sooo weird.

Today got me thinking about how i'm actually so damn fortunate.

=) hahahah.

2009-02-19T03:42:00.001+08:00

It's stupid o'clock.

and i chanced upon this guy.

and i woke up. HAHAHAHA

Canadian model!! alex evans.

oh. my. god.

hahahahah.

aye... i don't even need to say anything. HAHAH.

2009-02-19T01:31:00.003+08:00

i really wonder how people can get

so selfishly bitchy and cunning and two faced and

fucked up and full of themselves and they so happen

to be EVERYWHERE.

and they are completely oblivious to all those

special qualities they possess.

i know i'm not that bad yet.

but it's like a disease.

if i don't kill them soon it'll come to me.

it's the desperation i'll feel at times

when i cannot comprehend

the things i really want to eliminate around me

but i am unable to because i am completely powerless.

it's one of those things that makes your heart beat faster

and your breath shallow and you feel so exasperated

like you're about to burst out of yourself

because all you really want to do is punch the shit out of them

and make them shit their intestines out.

and the only victory is when you see them fall into themselves and

become their own victims. and you stand tall over them.

yes i am angry. VERY angry.

and this sudden urge for revenge is rising.

please save me if i'm turning into one of them creatures.

2009-02-19T00:16:00.002+08:00

i shall live my life with a camera hovering around above me from now on.

and i will view everything from that camera.

together with what i see with my own eyes.

At least that'll occupy my mind. haha.

2009-02-13T03:13:00.000+08:00

hurry get over this..

HURRY!

2009-02-10T05:50:00.001+08:00

ohh boy.

things just gets worse don't they.

i'll bet he really hates me now.

haha.

2009-02-09T01:30:00.004+08:00

how the human mind works is still as complicated as ever.

to me at least.

you know it you know it! but do you really?

then it sidetracks.

then you think of something else.

and then you combine it with the initial thought and you're confused

and when you're confused you mix them all up together

then you go down the wrong line

and when try to track back

you unknowingly branched out to something else.

is there a formula?

because right now.

i am lost.haha

And i like lying on the backseat of the car staring out the side window as the street lamps flashes by the back window.

like a pulse.

2009-02-08T04:16:00.000+08:00

I have been very selfish

2009-02-06T23:45:00.004+08:00

Pretty random!

HAHAH. but i went out with shep today!

haven't seen him in a long long long time.

HAHA. and it was fun. hahah.

he kind of grew up already but still fun. HAhah.

all the bullshit and stuff i mean.

so we went to watch a movie. "Doubt".

it's about nuns and a priest. hAHAHAH.

very interesting. it would've have at least passed

if not for the last scene!

OH MAN! WHY DID SHE HAVE TO SAY IT!

HAHAHA.

Before we went home, we walked to get bubble tea and i had the

nicest honey milk tea ever. hahaha.

then we saw this and i started laughing. HAHA. pocky fell.

WOOHOO! MAGIC POCKY! yes, the phototaking

caught a few's attention.

AND... I didn't take a lot of photos. haha. my stupid camera was low on batt. for some stupid reason, the battery didn't charge properly. AHHA.

see the wonders of lighting. either ways, i looked like shit.

OVERALL it was a nice day. hahaha. Sweet and.. nice. hahaha. it's one of those days you'll smile about. hahah. It was really cool when we were on the escalator and it STOPPED! and i thought it was just a dizzy spell cause i get that a lot then i saw everyone's reaction and shep ended up one step lower. and then i came to realize that the escalator stopped. Wooahhh. ahahha. i stoned there for a while. cause, apparently the swooshy liquids inside my head hadn't stopped swooshing around.

HAHAH. it was COOL! i always wondered how it would have felt like. hahah. like, would i have fallen and jabbed my eyeball out with one of them sharp teeth on the edge of the steps. or just fall to my death as the force flings me out of the escalator and down to my doom. hahahah.

By the way, i think people should just stop talking about V-day ( i don't even want to spell it out ) hahaha. it's pretty depressing at times..

2009-02-05T01:14:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Aye... welll. i had problems smiling when i was younger.

2009-02-01T02:54:00.001+08:00

I want to know! =<

I really really want to know.

2009-01-30T00:58:00.002+08:00

HE PAN! aye. yeah. that's all. hahah. 5 of us. Cool right. yeah man. coolest shit ever. but it was still fun. hhahahahah.

MY COUSIN! JACQUELINE CHUAA.

can you tell i desperately need sleep? haha.. aye..

2009-01-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

One fine day..

HAHAH. Well..... so clarissa brought this red lipstick to schooll...

and.... HAHAHA.

I kind of like this. HAHAHA. this one below.

This is so fun please. hahhahah. i cannot take it.

2009-01-20T01:48:00.006+08:00

Aww, it all started with an innocent lip gloss sharing session.

Until Mac came aloongg with photo booth.

And the it begins! HAHAHAHAH!!

Jasmine is a clown. HAhAHAH. clowwwnnn.

Clarissa liked her hair. hahaha. it looks pretty cool actually.

This is one of my favourite jasmine shot. HAHAHAH. IT'S DAMN COOL RIGHT!! mythical creature sehhh

This too!! she looks like a horse!! HAHAH .and clarissa... well.... AHAHa.

ANYWAY. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD FOR A LONG LONG TIME. hahahah.

thanks to these two madasses. hahaha. i've been looking through the photos ten thousand times. cause there are still more. And i keep laughing to myself. hhahaha.

Cheers~

SHOP SHOP SHOP! DAMN IT.

HAHAH LOVE!!

2009-01-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

I know.. I CANNOT TAKE IT!

I HAVE TO BLOG!

but I shall blog happy things! =D

SO... it's my birthday! hurray! this is it.

I'M HAPPY....
Not!! i'm old.
This is Kelvin. hahaha. Salvo dude. same birthday same year. hahaha. We hung out the night before our birthdays. SUPER random. but it was so spastic. laughed my ass off until i was tired towards 12 midnight. went to eat at kovan. then hung out downstairs my place until it was 12! hahahah. then we were like takng pictures and stuff. hahaha. super SUPER random. but something different. hahah.

IN SCHOOL!!!! OPEN HOUSE DUTY!!!!

Camera was on wrong mode!! that's why ALL so shaky. aiya..

WOOHOO. not mine. hahaha.

I know. i look freaking weird. Hahahah. i look fat.

WHY IS DION JOINING IN! ahhahah. Before that, peanut was touching the boobs of the female ones. and putting his hand in the clothes all DAMN SICK. then i ask him to go do it with the guy. hahahah. Look at his serious face. and dion! omg! hahahah. he started it please. all these mannequin thing. aahhaha.

He wanted to show that there was no dick. hahahah. pervert.

Aiyo... dion ah... i was actually damn scared the thing will break. all these touching began with a Hat. and Jy saying dion looks like someone from brokeback mountain.HAHAHa.

DAMN SWEET!! JY GOT THIS CAKE FOR MEEE and the whole room of design guides sang for meee =)

And before that Salvo Drummers sang for me also! saw so many people i haven't seen for so long!

And before that,

Andrea sang for me right after her performance together with GINGER!

Thanks yall!! ahahha. so cute okay, they practiced just for meee =)

And before that andrea popped by my house and sang for me also. HAHAH i feel so loved. little surprises along the way. and the many different people from different timeline who wished me. woohoo. warm and fuzzy inside. hahaha.

And the last one was at Pizza Hut. birthday song two times.. ahh.... haha. =)

PLAZA SINGAPURA!

i just want to say that i look really really old in this picture.. sigh.. i still feel very sad.. so old.

RAJ look like some little boy! hahah Jake wendy and aaron!!

Business woman.

Drea myself ben ( saying he wanna look like he's super bored on my birthday. okay, maybe he was ) and greg. hahah.

OMG. THIS IS THE MOST PAISEH BIRTHDAY EVER. HAHAHA. Pizza hut started playing this corny birthday song ON THE SPEAKERS. THEN just when i wanted to laugh at it. and was about to pass some comment about the irony. Then they off light, and plus the waitress coming towards me with the cake. i was like WTF! HAHAHAHHA. EVERYBODY LOOKED CAAN! all I can remember saying was "

WHAT THE FUCCKK!?? OMGG.. WTF?!?! "

HAHAHAH. but i was laughing all the way. thanks dudes. hahaha. and dudettes.

I like how this accidental picture turned out. hahaha.

It's so rare, Andrea's eyes are bigger than mine. HAHAH. oh maan... my smiles are... oh well.. dying. haha.

Meet Hair, and Greg.

HAHAH so cute right. Three blind mice.

HAHA i just thought i wanna take this picture. hahahah.

You should've seen my reaction. HAHAHAH.

Awesome Shit. Enough said.

I know right.. it's like so directed at greg. HAHAH. JOKE LA. i shall not be mean. =) hhahaha. i like the colours. but ben's right. i'm already yellow still wear yellow. i shall change colour from now on.

SEEE, my Drum stick. and Kelvin's. Oh and the cookies. i haven't died from eating them yet. hahahah.

Thanks all. Who made my horrible day awesome. hahaha. i'm nineteen. not a nice number anymore. it's so close to the big two. oh dear.. i have only one more year left to LIVE!!

aye.. but it has been such a funny day. hahah.

2009-01-01T22:00:00.002+08:00

happy new year all.

so i've been foolishly blinded by my grief and blah.

hahaha. i realised i probably look pretty stupid from the outside.

so with what little pride i have left,

i shall stop with my nonsense

and freaking move on.

hahaha

what's the point on staying around when not needed or wanted right ?

hahah. sooo... i'm gonna stop blogging and stuff.

cause, someone made a point and it was then then i realised that,

hey, people actually read my blog.. yes, i forget.

so.. it's kind of not very personal anymore.

and here i was, thinking that it was a good place to record certain events.

hahahaha.

Apologies for any awkwardness when reading this blog btw.

i mean..if..you do read.

i always thought the counters on this blog was increasing

because of myself. HAHA.

so a few of my friends have enlightened me about many things and...

this shall be a kick start to my SUPER long list

of resolution. hahaha.

a new year.

a new freaking start.

i wanna ROCK! HAHAHA.

Love.

2008-12-31T01:06:00.001+08:00

i was once a dreamer.

until i didn't have to dream anymore.

because i was living an equivalent

now that it ended.

i must remember how it was like

to dream again =)

i am a dreamer

take me higher

i believe even

if it's just a dream

2008-12-30T21:48:00.001+08:00

it's so difficult to trust anything nowadays.

i don't even trust myself!

hah!

nope, i'm not gonna say anything.

cause i'm probably guilty of it too..

2008-12-30T19:09:00.007+08:00

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony of summer air

See the lights,
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
And I was begging you please don't go and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real,
Don't be afraid
We'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes, oh,

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town I said:

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said:

Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Cause we were both young when I first saw you

Love Story

Taylor Swift

I LOVE IT! =D

2008-12-30T16:55:00.000+08:00

UGH!

2008-12-30T04:57:00.002+08:00

After this year

i will change. =)

2008-12-29T18:26:00.001+08:00

5 reasons why you got dumped

Negativity

We spend time with our partner because they make us happy, even when everything else is going wrong. In some cases however, the relationship provides more negativity than the rest of our lives. Constantly complaining about your work, money, and family is a surefire why to drive your ex away. There is plenty of negativity at our jobs and on the news; we don’t need any more in our spare time.

Romance

…or lack there of. So many relationships end because the romance and passion dies. The initial stages of dating are filled with flowers, love notes, and surprise visits. As time goes on however, we start to take things for granted and forget to share our feelings. This can spiral into a deep disconnection, but it is also an easy fix. Make sure you are doing the little things to remind your lover how much they mean to you.

Listening

Everyone thinks they are a good listener, and that is probably because they have never had a conversation with themselves. Think back to your conversations with your ex. Did you ask many questions? Do you remember what he or she said? Asking questions is an indicator of a good listener as it shows a desire to become more involved with the conversation. You can also try being quiet for a little while, just to make sure your partner has had an opportunity to speak. Remember that communication is the lifeblood of a good relationship.

Smothering

There is indeed too much of a good thing, especially when it prevents growth in a relationship. Did you give your ex enough space? Did they have ample opportunities to go out with their friends and co-workers alone? It is important to have some “me time” when dating. It not only allows us to keep a healthy social balance, but it also gives us an opportunity to appreciate what we come home to. You can’t miss someone if they are always around.

Quality Time

There is a big difference between time spent together and quality time. If you lived with your ex and the only time you saw each other was right before you went to bed, then this is a good example of no quality time. We devote so much time to outside commitments like work and school that it can seem like we have no time left to give. But you will only get out of a relationship what you put into it. This might mean sacrificing free time or rearranging busy schedules, but you can’t expect your partner to wait for you forever. We all need love and attention. If we don’t find it in one relationship, then we will seek it out in another.

Everyone makes mistakes, but only those who learn from them ever succeed in avoiding the same result. By understanding why your ex left you, you can make sure your next relationship doesn't face the same fate.

oh you think? =/

2008-12-27T23:19:00.001+08:00

One month.

One freaking month of hell.

I made it..

I guess.

2008-12-27T00:11:00.003+08:00

Just because someone don't love you the way you want them to,doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have.

2008-12-26T12:18:00.001+08:00

Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way through
So many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come true
I press rewind and remember when
I close my eyes and I'm with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain, every time I hear your name

The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be,
'til I get over you

Walked through the park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
I run away but I just can't escape
Memories of you everywhere
They say that time will dry the tears
But true love burns for a thousand years
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here

When will this river of tears stop fallin'
Where can I run so I won't feel alone
Can't walk away when the pain keeps callin'
I've just gotta take it from here on my own
But it's so hard to let go

until i get over you

Christina Milian

2008-12-24T06:01:00.000+08:00

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

2008-12-22T03:08:00.001+08:00

aye..

it would have been a year and 3 months today.

oh well..

2008-12-20T04:43:00.006+08:00

No it's not the same

no it's never the same

if you don't feel it too

My throat hurts

why can't i let go

it's so simple

right?

just letting go

it's easier than trying to keep something

right?

i want to stop crying in the dark

why did it all come back

i thought i had hid them well

i thought i locked them up already

i thought it would stop haunting me

why did it all come back now

why does everything remind me of you

yet you remain so cool..

2008-12-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO.

BREAK UP SEASON!

Biggest one yet!

fuck.

2008-12-19T10:34:00.003+08:00

you know, the times where your

mind just goes blank from too many things.

and you just feel like sleeping some more.

and more and more.

like you're always so tired..

yeah..

Why did she have to remind me about him..

2008-12-17T05:34:00.001+08:00

Once again, how apt.

Don't worry, i will not cling.

it's not like everyone knows about everything.

it doesn't matter anymore.

Because i gave up being hopeful.

Oh well.

2008-12-16T01:05:00.002+08:00

Found this, it's called chasing promises.

hmm.

how apt.

2008-12-16T00:23:00.003+08:00

In the first place, no one has any fucking right to say anything bout everyone else because every single one of us have at least done something that we accused someone off, and bitched about.

At least i know that.

so, Fuck.

don't overdo it.

2008-12-13T22:42:00.001+08:00

how do i even know now that i can trust anyone.

it's so easy to say

" you can trust me "

but how do i do it..

2008-12-12T00:44:00.001+08:00

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

it's all i can do.

post words. and more words.

stupid. Stupid!

i realised..

HE hardly ever calls my name..

angie.

i realised when i heard it yesterday..

2008-12-11T04:34:00.003+08:00

why is it that every time

i feel so prepared to give up,

something will happen?!

this isn't fate or whatever man.

it's getting..mm..

whatever the word is.

i'm so freaking tired now.

i feel like sleeping and

failing my modules. omg.

2008-12-09T20:13:00.001+08:00

And try, and try to understand me
And try to understand what I say when I say I can't stay
I, I'm moving on from this place
I'm leaving and I won't quit running away.

I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.

2008-12-08T22:37:00.003+08:00

BOLT was awesomely awesome.

it made me cry.

so many double meaning.

and it was in a cinema..

brings back memories.

so i cried doubly hard.

my friends must be sick of me

linking everything to him.

Just because everything reminds

me of him.

I can get so stupid sometimes..

he'll never believe.

he never believes.

he'll never believe

how i'm really feeling.

so difficult..

so hard to let go..

but i'll try, for you.

2008-12-08T01:07:00.001+08:00

I don't even know what I want anymore

I never knew.

because I have been so concentrated on

what YOU want.

but you never knew.

2008-12-07T20:39:00.002+08:00

I'll let go.

Since that's what you want.

then I'll let go.

that's what I'm saying.

but not what i'm feeling.

who knew break ups were so frustrating.

why does it even exist.

stupid.

2008-12-07T15:50:00.000+08:00

You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

To think I might not see those eyes

Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye

2008-12-06T02:47:00.004+08:00

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

you stole my world

leaving me down and lonely

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring ..

2008-12-06T02:41:00.001+08:00

Lying all alone in bed
Crazy thoughts running through my head
Thinkin' about you

Tryin' hard to let it go
My head says yes but my heart says no
I wish I never had to choose

I've been walking down the same old road
Tryin' hard to forget you
But I just can't let you go

I still think about you
Do you think about me?
I still think about you

But I guess that lovin' me
Was just a temporary thing

Those feelings i pushed away for a few days

at the start there was pain

and now it's back again

will you listen

will you believe

what i've been trying to say

2008-12-05T13:11:00.003+08:00

i will become better.

Just so i'll be good enough.

i will find myself soon.

and tear down my own wall,

just enough to look out of it.

and to let you in.

i am feeling better,

not because i have already let go.

but because an end

signifies a new beginning.

i am determined i can do it somehow.

however ignorant i am of how you

are feeling right now.

there is no harm trying.

Although i was once burnt.

and because i have felt the pain before.

i am not afraid to play with fire once more.

therefore i will try again.

it doesn't mean i will never stop..

i know where the line is..

i cross too much,

and i won't find my way back anymore..

2008-12-04T23:50:00.003+08:00

Looking at you from afar..

Cause that's all i can do now..

i miss you

probably doesn't seem that way..

i should stop what i've been doing

and start coming back to reality..

stop pushing my problems away

and start facing them.

someone told me not to act tough he said.

someone else told me,

i haven't found myself.

i agree..

i'm just another floating debris on this river

leading to a waterfall..

if i don't latch onto something soon.

i'm gonna fall.

and i'm gonna die.

cause it's freaking as high as niagra falls.

2008-11-29T00:04:00.001+08:00

Thank you for being so nice to me,

for helping me through this period.

even though you have no reason to,

because you have already decided to move on..

2008-11-28T03:24:00.001+08:00

"here it is, a red balloon, I think of you, and let it go"

i can't help it..

i keep thinking

" you're still holding on to it.. "

2008-11-28T03:14:00.001+08:00

I'm gonna live my life
Like every day's the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is an empty chair

And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

2008-11-27T04:20:00.005+08:00

all the things left unsaid

the things left undone..

i wanted to give you something

wanted to get you something

wanted to tell you something

wanted to ask you something...

wanted to go to places with you

and stuff..

so many things.

why did i always have to wait until it's too late...

2008-11-27T02:13:00.002+08:00

time's up i guess..

haa...

2008-11-26T22:56:00.002+08:00

i slept the whole day.

i was having nightmares

the whole day.

one after another.

blood,

gore,

screams.

i woke up.

and i was still in a nightmare.

another kind of nightmare.

2008-11-25T03:03:00.002+08:00

will this ever blow over?

i can't help but keep thinking.

out of ideas.

tired.

and very sad.

very disappointed.

but it always comes out as anger..

frustration.

i keep remembering stuff as well.

what happened at ecp.

chalets.

elsewhere..

then i'm thinking of something else..

should i?

i can't even concentrate on my work.

sometimes i envy everyone else.

their relationships with him.

what's the use if no one cares.

liar.

i know i'm probably

only looking at one person.

2008-11-24T01:49:00.002+08:00

It's raining.

show me.

2008-11-22T09:26:00.001+08:00

i like you because

you're so grounded.

so yourself.

part of the reason at least.

i'm not angry.

mad, maybe.

but more curious.

and confused.

2008-11-22T00:23:00.002+08:00

do you remember today?

do you need me?

do you care?

2008-11-20T02:49:00.002+08:00

how am I to do so many things

when I'm stopped by so many reasons.

how do I explain

where do I begin

without destroying anything.

without making it sound fake

why have you changed

similarly, I.

2008-11-19T23:38:00.002+08:00

will you accept my every flaw?

My being unreasonable

and my ridiculous mood swings?

will you remember you are just like me.

we make mistakes

we say the wrong things at the wrong times.

doing the 'smartest' things at stupid times.

but will you forgive me?

as i have..

2008-11-16T23:40:00.001+08:00

Over less than 2 years.

I kind of lost sight of

something important

that I have learnt during

my years spent in IJ.

Compassion.

It's time to bring it back.

2008-11-16T05:29:00.002+08:00

I am in love with this song.

(Raoul)

No more talk of darkness

Forget these wide-eyed fears

I'm here, nothing can harm you

My words will warm and calm you

Let me be your freedom

Let daylight dry your tears

I'm here, with you, beside you

To guard you and to guide you

(Christine)

Say you'll love me every waking moment

Turn my head with talk of summer time

Say you need me with you now and always

Promise me that all you say is true

That's all I ask of you

[Raoul]

Let me be your shelter

Let me be your light

You're safe, no one will find you

Your fears are far behind you

[Christine]

All I want is freedom

A world with no more night

And you, always beside me

To hold me and to hide me

[Raoul]

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime

Let me lead you from your solitude

Say you need me with you here, beside you

Anywhere you go, let me go too

Christine, that's all I ask of you

[Christine]

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime

Say the word and I will follow you

[Both]

Share each day with me, each night, each morning

[Christine]

Say you love me

[Raoul]

You know I do

[Both]

Love me, that's all I ask of you.

All I Ask of You

Phantom of the Opera

2008-11-13T02:45:00.002+08:00

I think Raj is really sweet sometimes.

hahah. Nothing happening here.

Just when he actually compliments people..

it sounds sincere. so it feels really good.

like how he always hits my soft spots.

which is very annoying. hahah. but thanks Raj.

for making me feel good about myself each time

you say something nice about me. =)

Like during past few days.

he told me something i haven't heard for a lonnnnng time.

He said I was interesting.

something along the lines of how i really am.

and... to me it really meant a lot..

because I really felt like i could be myself

and people actually like me for that.

like how i always mumble to myself and people think

i'm not talking to them.

or i'm talking to them when it's the other way around.

and how i make things, my life, interesting for myself.

and he said it AGAIN the next day, which means it wasn't a sweeping statement! =D

And how he makes me feel so DAMN GOOD

at editing during Audio. Awesome shit.

that's really sweet Raj. haha.

i haven't heard that since this one other person.

only one. my friend's ex?

Cool aye. =)

=.= how come they're both attached..

ANYWAY.

it's not those kind of scandal shit.

just really nice people.

you know? those kind? HOW DO I EVEN EXPLAIN IT!

UGh. i will not Attempt.

That's why i would believe him when he said that he

WILL marry his girlfriend. hahaha.

cause i think he won't treat this kind of thing

like some overgrown child.

oh wells.

I haven't slept in forever.

2008-11-12T01:23:00.003+08:00

I want NOBODY NOBODY BUT YOU!

*clap clap*

I want nobody nobody but you!

*clap clap*

YES I'M HOOKED!

Go watch

Nobody by Wonder Girls.

For some crappy reason i cannot upload

to blogger. so. . . AWWW.

2008-11-10T06:38:00.000+08:00

I miss salvo drums... seriously.

like. those people who were in it

when i entered..

2008-11-10T05:51:00.001+08:00

you promise you'll stay even if the whole world walks out on me?

2008-11-10T02:57:00.000+08:00

on my way..

looking for a moment..

2008-11-08T01:18:00.003+08:00

It was kinda just for fun. haha.

The red one was from top shop.

before that i tried on this AWESOME

ankle boots and surprisingly

it LOOKED DAMN GOOD.

it's 216. thanks. christmas is coming.

The black one...

which i really couldn't resist...

i kinda bought it?

it's hanging in my cupboard now..

it was love at first sight.

I LOVE it.

now i need a bag to go with it.

my crumpler will totally ruin my

" poncho ", as joel put it. hmm. aha.

oh well.

thanks joel, for accompanying me to get it.

2008-11-01T00:37:00.004+08:00

30th October 2008

Serangoon Gardens

Jiehuan and Jerald.

hahhaha. we finally went out!

and it was so retarded.

not so hardcore but it wasn't boring anyhows.

ahahah. cause both of them are

really quite fun to watch =)

i am so going back to ice cube for icecream =D

Thanks guys.

for taking my mind off stuff for a while.

Some Random Day

This is Aaron.

This is what happens when Aaron's friends get really bored.

This is what happens when Aaron himself

takes over the masterpiece. =)

JUMPING THINGS

Halloween

31st October

We didn't dress up or anything or celebrate really hardcore-ly.

i'm sorry Clarissa...

We shall celebrate next year then =)

then we can all prepare early.

Aw man... What a pity.

At first i really wasn't very on.. but...

two days before i was quite

psyched about it when Clarissa was talking about it.

oh well.... shiiit.

So the boys and i ended up going to Jakes

and we ordered KFC and pizza =D

as usual. PS3 and Guitar =)

it was alright.

Jake the monkey

Pity, i clicked too late.

And Dion didn't wanna re jump...

so.. here's his ass.

He so can jump. so cool.

i wanna jump high too.

This is Ben.

After he landed, he skidded like some NFS car

drifting 180 after going top speed maaan!

Aaron the CHICKEN, hahaha.

Was laughing at his hands.

Dustbin and his friend.

At Jake's Place

DION!!!

SPIDERMAN and VENOM

Awwww...

Byebye Spiderman

So cute lor, Dion got the Spiderman

from the turn turn thing in a ball.

Just for Jake's venom. HAHA.

2008-10-27T22:07:00.001+08:00

It's sad when people you know

become people you knew.

When you can walk right past someone

like they were never a big part of your life.

How you used to be able to talk for hours

and how now you can barely even look at them.

It's sad how times change.

It's more than sad when it changes so quickly.

2008-10-22T00:49:00.002+08:00

THIRTEENTH

2008-10-19T00:51:00.001+08:00

i need to sleep lesser.

and at the correct times.

ughh. angie angie...

you're gonna doze off in school.

LALALA.

2008-10-18T21:56:00.002+08:00

my smile has been going

out of control lately.

MUST CONTROL!

hahaha. otherwise i'll look super ugly.

i am more determined than ever

to do well in school.

SO WATCH OUT SCHOOL.

i want to score. =)

cheh.. say say only... probably..

i wonder how long i will keep this up.

HAHA. ARGHH!.

I WILL GO CRAZY!

i should stop splitting my personality. HHAH!

double utf =.=

2008-10-16T21:15:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL IS STARTING!

SHIIIT!!!!!!

I think I want to chiong 3 modules.

i have no choice!!! ughh.

2008-10-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

On my way home today..

ANYWAY!!

I WANT THIS.

Kind hearted souls who are reading this.

Please let me know when it's officially launched in Singapore =)

THANK YOU

I think it's hot!

I had time to myself today.

I did some reflection.

I ought to learn how to control my emotions.

2008-10-13T05:16:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Dion. (:

2008-10-12T01:44:00.003+08:00

It's on the kour blog as well.

It's the most decent picture we took.

I know, that's sad. HAHA.

Many more chances to come.

we shall work towards the industry. =)

CHALET was interesting.

felt like we were living on our own. HAHAH.

Quite fun.

I really liked it.

haha. i really wanted to journey home

with Dion only.. but...

oh well. haha. things NEVER go the

way i want them too most of the time..

2008-09-28T01:51:00.000+08:00

This is taken during Student Ambassadors Chalet from the 22nd of September =)

We freaking walked from Pasir Ris to Changi Village and it was super tiring because it was 2 am in the morning and we got lost in Pasir Ris park which was freaking scary cause it was 2 in the morning and it was very dark. I was just trying to mask my fear. But Dion was there, so it helped a lot. HAHA =D

ee. i just realised the pictures look different from iphoto. they look.. uglier..

2008-09-25T05:22:00.001+08:00

chalet was alright.

it's just that i could spend

more than 24 hours straight with dion

and it felt great. =)

I can see clearly now.

2008-09-22T23:25:00.001+08:00

Our Firstest Year =)

Meet Glow

Now Smuzz has a friend =)

( Don't ask how they get their names )

They are the cushiest friends ever.

I love them!

This is a pair of awesome shoes.

awesome because I love these shoes.

Look! Glow's on it!

Two of 'em!

But it's really sad because they're only a LITTLE too small... hurts whenever i wear them for too long...

Meet the Genius who gave them to me.

Yes he painted the shoes.

No, he didn't sew Glow.

Yes, i love him.

He's MY Dion.

Go away. pfffft =D

2008-09-22T05:21:00.000+08:00

FIRST YEAR!

2008-09-19T01:44:00.001+08:00

Aweshome. =)

2008-09-17T00:53:00.000+08:00

And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key

be my escape/ Reliant K

2008-09-15T16:35:00.003+08:00

did it hurt?

yup. hurts every single time.

but i'm not about to tell every single

person that.

would you believe if i said

it's because i care?

it's nothing explicit.

so shut up.

it won't even be funny.

i'm at the airport alone!!!

ALL FREAKING ALONE!!!

i kind of like it. but i feel quite lonely..

haha... i really wanted him to come..

but i guess he has stuff to do..

22nd september..

i just started to dread that coming day.

what will happen?

i don't know...

i don't like not knowing...

i need to sleep.

bye.

2008-09-13T20:58:00.001+08:00

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

i will remember you/ sarah mclachlan

it's a nice song.

chanced upon it on youtube

2008-09-13T20:53:00.002+08:00

I just watched the notebook.

and my throat hurts.

haha. cause i couldn't CRY IT OUT.

people at home. =/

oh man, i feel so emo now.

i love tear jerkers. but they

always make me feel so sad.

and they kind of make you think a lot.

what if i were to lose my memory too?

i'm really scared of that.

and what if my significant other

loses his memory..

would i be so brave as to persevere

and keep trying everyday?

i wanna find a lake too.

row a boat. enjoy the serenity.

lead a simple life.

it'd be awesome.

pity, society's been so bitchy.

hahaha. riight.

it's barely been a day and

I can't stand thinking that you're so far away.

you're the sweetest thing that's ever happened to me.

2008-09-11T04:46:00.001+08:00

you light up my life

2008-09-11T01:51:00.003+08:00

no no no .. please..

not when i just told her

how wonderful

and awesome everything is right now.

please not let angie be stupid and

screw things up all over again.

' kissed me goodbye

2008-09-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

Jake's Birthday

i especially loved the part where i fell.

HAHA.

because of what happened after =)

AHAHAH.

although my butt hurts now.

and my palm as well...

but i enjoyed the whole time we were there.

because i was with you the whole time.

right beside you.

it's like my fairy tale finally finally came true.

2008-08-31T23:54:00.003+08:00

Went for Baybeats

with DION, Jong and Luntat.

HAHAh.

Both of them are damn spastic.

but so loving haha.

It's like you just look and you'll smile..

that kind. HAhah.

It was good. i mean.. for local stuff.

It improved and all.

i remember i used to think all of them

sucked. or maybe i just

learned how to appreciate them more.

hahaha. anyhoos. i LOVE today.

for many reasons. hahaha.

and i finally did a proper introduction!

weird. but done! =)

2008-08-29T18:09:00.002+08:00

SERIOUSLY.

kids nowadays are DAMN spoilt.

but you can't really blame them.

not after you see how their parents are.

Just came back from work.

it's for a modeling agency.

KID's modeling. no. i'm not the model.

i'm just promoting for them and stuff.

HAHA. it's so funny cause you get to

see all kinds of shit.

anyway. there's this application form.

and there's this part that says

" vital stats: ______"

most of them were blank.

and i wanted to laugh when i saw

two of the filled up ones.

one said " reading books "

and the other said " single "

HAHAAH. so cute.

then there's this part that asks for the height of

the kid.

someone wrote 1. and the unit was cm.

AHAHAHAH.

yes i laughed. omg.

then there was this SUPER SUPER HOT

MOTHER OF two SUPER HOT DAUGHTERS

and they're like below 7.

what the hell!

she looked like angelina jolie. seriously.

HAHAHA. NO SHIT.

just that her lips weren't that pouty

( i almost typed eyes )

and her boobs weren't that big.

i wanted to look to the side when she bend over to fill in

the form cause she was wearing this

loose deep v thing.

ya.

anyway. HAHAH. saw many hot children.

so wrong.. but.. i'm guessing dion would

rather me look at children and admire them.

than admiring guys my age... or girls.

HAHAh.

So anyway it was a good day.

started off well anyway.

I forgot to tell jake i sent him

my storyboards through email

so i did a wasted job.

damn it. =/

Dion was messaging me throughout my colourful day.

which made it ALL THE MORE AWESOME.

andrea worked with me.

and we made a new friend.

olivia.

she is so funny! hahaha. and i thought she

was the boring kind.

NO WAY!

hahhah. like. can suan each other all.

and we ALL made a date to go shop together!

HAHAH. with our measly pay!

omg. and yes, she laughs out loud too.

good enough =)

then there was this other girl.

she looks like dion's mum .

i kept staring at her cause

at certain angles.

the resemblance is uncanny.

HAHAHA. oh wells. i don't know her name.

hmmmmmm. that's all. =)

Basically, i went mad today.

i never had so much fun during work

for a very long time already.

hahaha. =) awesome.

2008-08-29T06:48:00.002+08:00

i simply have no inspiration to blog nowadays.

it's not that i have nothing to say.

it's just that it'll always be all about one person.

one very awesome person.

so.... i think i'll leave that for my diary.HAHA.

meanwhile. i'm involved in a CDI project

with Mediacorp. yup. i don't really want to join.

but, it'll look good in my resume i guess? =)

ah.. i'm so glad i stuck to animation.

I OWE MANY PEOPLE OUTINGS!

my ical is going to explode with colours.

i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired.

i keep sleeping. bloody hell.

i think there's something wrong with me..

not enough sugar or something..

2008-08-27T00:08:00.001+08:00

what would i be without you

2008-08-24T08:26:00.005+08:00

I'm gonna live my life
like every days' the last
without a simple goodbye it all goes by so fast

and now that you're gone I can't cry heard enough
I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

gonna open my eyes and see for the first time
I've let go of you like
a child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enoug for you to hear me now

gonna look back in vain and see you standing there
when all that remains is just an empty chair
anad now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough, I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough, no I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

his is random. it's just something i usedto feel.

haha. and i like th song.

somehow.

can't cry hard enough

2008-08-24T01:52:00.000+08:00

i really tried.

i really am trying.

not working huh..

again.

2008-08-23T19:51:00.003+08:00

went out with dion. =)

it's been a while..

HAHA... but oh wells.

went to watch this show..

that we didn't even know about.

as in, it was just a thai show.

and.. we had no idea what it was about.

only that it was from the people

who made shutter.

hmm..

it was alright...

FINE I WAS FREAKED .

but it's one of those shows

that you'd laugh at during the thing.

HAHAH. hmm.

um..

i ran my way home.

bye.